You and I, we were once a team. Not sure if I was just taking your lead like a lost teacup poodle puppy, or if we were just that good at being a team. But then something switched off in both of us. Maybe me, before you. Our team broke, long before Sept 29th, 2024. Did you know that September 29th was Grace’s due date (our second baby was supposed to be due on the 27th). And May 29th is… or was our wedding anniversary….hmm interesting — 05/29/2010. If you add 5+2+9+2+1 it equals 19, which was the date we had decided on being boyfriend and girlfriend. November 19th, to be specific. And I was 19 when you and I met, finally. You were an answered prayer and a dream come true, aka ‘my knight in shining armor’, your white horse was an E46 325Ci, that frankly I did not give a damn about, maybe I should have. We were meant to be soul mates and meant to be together, until we weren’t.
Now, what?
This wasn’t the plan, but it is now. On monday I’ll be walking in to the court house you walked out of with a little pile of papers that will seal the fate of our longest relationships to date. I’ve known you longer than I haven’t, now. It’s a very interesting transition, not one I expected to be so hard. It’s not really a transition one expects to expect, really. I’ll head to the floor you told me to go, and get in the right line, you told me to go, and I’ll finalize what you started…the end. The End of out relationship as Husband and Wife. We’ll just be friends, I hope. More importantly, we’ll be co-parents.
Just know, that, I will always love that I got to marry you. And that you picked me out, and up from the crowd and made me feel seen; loved; wanted; amazing. I don’t know how I fooled you for so long, but somehow you saw something in me I will never really see in myself. Just kidding, I do see it, in our kids…they had to get it somewhere. 😉
Now, what?
I don’t want to be anyone else’s, I want to be mine — but I do want to know that feeling of being wanted…again someday. Maybe not tomorrow, but one day. What I really want to do now, is all the things I didn’t do. I want to treat myself to that movie, or the walk along to beach (maybe I actually do like sand between my toes). I want to watch the sunset, with a dirty gin martini or a pinot grigio in my hand. Should I pair it with a charcuterie platter. Gosh this part will be fun…and lonely. I want to be lonely with someone; just a friend. I want to date, but manly date myself. And if someone wants to join me, let’s go.
Now, WHAT?
Oh shit, I need to FIND A JOB!